Top Ten Things I'm NOT Going To Do On My Vacation Next Week

School starts August 16, and I'm going to hibernate. Find a cave somewhere where I can regain my voice. After a summer tour of Laguna Beach, hurricanes, shark attacks, middle school camp, Mexico, and a truckload of other stuff....I'm headed for 7 fun-filled days and nights of...nothing. We're definitely going to spend a couple of days in San Antonio eating and seeing just how fat I can get. I'm also excited about taking the boys fishing and going on a few dates with my wife. But, here's a few things I'm NOT going to do...

1. Watch the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. Seriously, Jessica, please stop talking. Just sing. And remember when Chuck let you sing at YEC at Reunion Arena? Yeah, back then when you were fully dressed? Good times. Say 'hi' to Joe for me...

2. Run out and buy The Best of Oprah DVD. Do I really need to explain this one?

3. Check my daily cosmic calendar at astrology.com. "Opportunities are knocking throughout the morning hours - particularly in the fields of education, publishing, literature, religious and philosophical studies. However, all may not go according to Hoyle due to some celestial nastiness in the form of a Venus-Pluto square (1:54AM PDT) and Venus moving 135 degrees to Mars (2:03PM PDT). The net result is that Venus - the traditional planet of love and romance - is compromised while in the sign of Virgo. Striving for perfection in any form brings disappointment. It's fine to work hard toward your goals and be persistent in spite of setbacks, but happiness may be fleeting right now."

Really? I'm sure it doesn't matter that I pulled this from the Virgo chart, even though I'm an Aries. Since my Daddy made those stars, I'll just get my 411 from Him. But thanks for playing along...

4. Save a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Why? Because Tony Little creeps me out. And it's not just the ponytail...

5. Worry that I'm the only one in my office who doesn't own an iPod yet. I'm sure some day I'll give in. Some day I'll be cool. But just not today. (even though I do have my own PODshow, Tom's Untitled PODshow, and you can win a free iPod by coming up with a cool name!)

6. Mow.

7. Catch one of these. Too scary.

8. Worry about gas prices. Just go here, put in your zipcode and get the best price in your area. Besides, there are bigger problems to worry about.

9. Listen to any Phillips, Craig, and Dean. In honor of Cameron Roucloux...[love ya, bro!]


10. Shave. I hate shaving. Seriously, can one of you brainiac guys out there hurry up and patent a pill that I can take so I'll never have to shave again. Maybe a little genetic engineering would come in handy here....

I'm not sure exactly what I will be doing, so be sure to look for my mug on America's Most Wanted!

(P.S. Check back in a couple of days for an audioblog!)